Kelly O'Melia

Here is Makinley.

She is now 18 months old and a little mama in training to be sure!

Always toting an armful of dolls around and loving’ on them.

Occasionally she’ll invite Luke to play “the daddy”.

She dons her sunglasses before running out,

straps the babies in, and off she goes to run her errands, often with a little purse in the crook of her arm.

She feeds her babies,

pats their backs,

makes them comfortable,

and coddles them.

Always playing the part of the perfect doting mommy until…..

something more interesting comes up,

then she hastily throws her “babies” to the floor and runs to take part in the fun!

Duff and I decided without a doubt we wanted to be together. I gradually became convinced that everyone would see the big picture. We were all adults. We wouldn’t be in college forever. We wouldn’t be bound to this group of friends for much longer. If Duff and I were destined to be a couple and live “happily ever after” it was worth the short term awkwardness. I figured we would give everyone a little time to digest the news of the recent break up before going public with our status.

We began with the best of intentions. We would limit our time together. We would play it cool for a while and hang out with friends. Get absorbed in our school work.

Yet I knew Duff’s schedule and where I could “bump” into him. I new exactly when he would be leaving one building to cut across campus for his next class or where he usually ate lunch on Wednesdays. So we found ourselves meeting up for lunch, running into each other at the library, and hanging out at the computer lab. These secret rendezvous became more frequent and we discovered people were beginning to track our whereabouts, follow us places, and ultimately question our integrity.

Mike became angered, saddened, and bothered by the entire thing. He moved out of the quad he had shared with Duff and two other guys with only two months remaining in the spring semester. Mike confronted Duff late one night with a group of intoxicated friends wanting to fight and a restraining order was set in place. Friends wondered, “How can you do this to Mike?” Rifts formed, people took sides, and I hoped that one day everyone would come to an understanding.

To escape the scrutiny, the planning for our encounters grew more involved. It was March now, Duff’s birthday weekend, and we devised a scheme to be together. We each had a friend off campus cover for us and we met a few stops away from college at the T- station . We traveled the remainder of the way into Boston together where we playfully wandered about shopping and eating, fully enjoying the freedom to be in each others company. We ate dinner at Legal Seafoods that night where we dined on creamy chowder and buttery seafood dishes accompanied by full-bodied red wine. There we sat completely absorbed by one another, the world around us fading into a blur. Fulfilled entirely by the person sitting across the table.

Do you remember the Atlantic Starr hit from the 80′s, “Secret Lovers“?

Here we are, the two of us together

Takin’ this crazy chance to be all alone

We both know that we should not be together

‘Cause if we’re found out, it could mess up

Both our happy home

Secret lovers, yeah, that’s what we are

We should not be together

But we can’t let go, no, no

‘Cause we love each other so

This became our theme song. Anywhere we could go to be alone together as a couple attracted our attention We took off for the North End of Boston to share Italian food one night and met on campus the next. My birthday approached in April and Duff went shopping for a special gift. He chose a delicate gold necklace with a pearl and diamond pendant. He presented it to me on my birthday, took me in his arms, and shared that he was done masquerading. From this day forward he would introduce me to the world as his girlfriend.

Last week we made a day trip to the NC Zoo. If you’re a homeschooler and a planner, register 2 weeks in advance for tickets and save some serious cash. Here is the link to reserve tickets ahead of time for free admission as a homeschool student or instructor.

If you’re challenged in the planning area but thrive on spontaneity (like us) then you may want to purchase the annual membership for $59.00 because that’s about what you’ll end up paying for the day. This membership works for many other children’s museums and aquariums across the country.

Once Duff and I got over the fact that we missed out on the homeschool discount, we had a blast! We were a little nervous initially when after visiting our third habitat of the day we still hadn’t seen a live animal. But after the slow start we made out really well. We saw monkeys, bears, elephants, giraffes, seals, and we even ran into our friend Anne and her children by the buffalo!

The kids never tired of traipsing around from habitat to habitat.

Wish I could say the same about Duff:)

If your familiar with the NC Zoo you’ll agree with our friend Margaret,” it’s kinder to the animals than it is to the people!” You get some serious exercise! Makinley and Gabrielle walked at least 75% of the time which amazed me.

The kids LOVED cooling off at the misting station in Africa.

After lunch we spent some time in the Kidzone where Gabby and Makinley had a ball painting with water!

Gavin and Luke suggested that we take pics with them on top of the giant bison!

We spent much of the day looking at this view of Makinley making her escape:

always in the opposite direction from the rest of us.

Nothing frightens,

intimidates,

or unnerves her……

She is a complete mess!

Winter break came to an end and the guilty verdict soaked into my conscience. I headed back to college to start my spring semester of Sophomore year with my mind a complete jumble. I needed some clarity about this situation. I needed to reach some conclusions. The tiny analytical portion of my brain would need to come through for me and preserve normalcy once again by balancing the overbearing emotional side of me.

“So what’s going on with you and Mike?”, inquired the logical section of my brain.

I don’t know. Something’s missing. Something has changed. Mike and I are spending less and less time together. It seems like we have very little in common these days. He seems more distant, more distracted. I want to break up with him but I don’t want to hurt him. I feel guilty dumping him.

“If Mike’s not the right guy for you then you should just end it. There is NOTHING to feel guilty about! “, persuaded my left hemisphere.

Perhaps I feel guilty because I’m not being completely honest about my feelings? It’s not like I just came to the conclusion that Mike and I aren’t compatible on my own. My friendship with Duff has definitely influenced my perspective.

“How you came to the conclusion is not relevant. The first step is to break up with Mike. Only then can you begin to explore whether Duff and you even have a future together.”

The advice sounded so logical, so easy. Yet guilt still tugged at my heart preventing me from moving forward. I couldn’t very well continue in this suspended state forever, could I?!

Mid-January Mike went away on a ski trip for the weekend with his father and best friend. I was surprised when I wasn’t invited to join them but not disappointed. Over the weekend, the slight impetus I required to take action was presented to me. I learned Mike had cheated on me. I learned he flirted with girls outside of my presence and boasted about his philandering ways. I learned Mike was pond scum. I suddenly couldn’t break up with him fast enough. I planned to finish things the moment he returned from skiing.

Mike was hardly settled back in from his weekend getaway before I was ending our relationship. It actually went really well. No tears. No anger. No hard feelings at all. Wow, that was easy enough, I reflected, as I rode the elevator back downstairs and headed across campus to my dorm. I hadn’t an inkling of what lay ahead.

Duff and I had some very deep conversations in the days that followed sparked by the controversy surrounding our relationship. We couldn’t deny the attraction between us, the enjoyment of one another’s company, the desire to share the details of our daily lives but pursuing this could jeopardize so much. The only way we could rationalize moving forward was by determining if this would be something worthwhile.

Would this be more than a fling or just a case of the grass is always greener….? A case of wanting the forbidden fruit?

Perhaps it was just the power of everyone suggesting something was going on that was deceiving us?

Could we seriously see ourselves together a few years from now? Were we even compatible? Did we have the same hopes and dreams?

We needed to be sure this was the real deal if we were going to rattle our closest friend’s lives by starting a relationship together. And so we attempted to set our own feelings aside and look at the whole thing from an outsider’s perspective weighing all of the moral and ethical issues of dating within your inner circle of friends and we sought to determine the likelihood of long term success.

We recently returned from an 8 day trip to New England visiting lots of family. While this is not an exhaustive picture marathon it does capture some of the fun moments and experiences we had. I need to do a better job of capturing the trip in its entirety. I find I take my camera some places and forget to take it others so that we’re saturated with pictures of some things and void of pictures for others. Oh well, there’s always next time!

Before my mother fell ill with the stomach flu we had a great time visiting the UConn Animal Barns! Mimi (my mom) and I took my 6 kids and my brother’s 2 children up to see all of the animals one day while we were staying in Connecticut. My mom had never been as quiet as she was this particular day. I should have known something was up. Maybe it was repeatedly buckling and unbuckling 8 children over a 6 hour period that made her sick?

Here are the kiddos minus Maddie the budding photojournalist:

The horses were great!

These two towheads were very silly together and LOVED the Goldfish!

Maddie did put her camera down long enough for me to snap a few pics.

Whoa! These horses are mighty friendly!

Luke’s dream come true! He was able to hug this horse around the neck.

This little foal was born the day before we visited.

Makinley spent too much time in the stroller for her taste!

We sang about lambs many many times on our trip North. The kids had recently purchased Baa! We’re Lambs which is a parody of “Barbara Ann” by the Beach Boys. Every time the two youngest grew antsy we blasted this song and it immediately soothed them. So when we arrived at the pen housing the lambs and sheep the kids immediately burst into song. When those animals joined in for the chorus the kids were thrilled!

A few pics from our trip into the Big Apple:

Our next stop was Massachusetts where we hung out with more adorable nieces and nephews! We took this cute train of kids up to the park for some fun!

My adorable nieces swinging.

We enjoyed some AMAZING sushi prepared by our brother-in-law.

We spent many hours around the campfire talking, cooking smores, and watching Gavin tinker with flames.

Here is the whole gaggle of cousins. Aren’t they adorable?

They can only go for so long before they need some quiet time. Here some of the girl cuzzies snuggle in to watch the Backyardigans while their parents dine on delicious sushi and have quiet adult conversation.:)

It was a wonderful trip!

After a couple of days spent relaxing, skiing, and shopping, Mike and I made plans to attend a friend’s New Year’s Eve party. It would be a gathering of Mike’s old high school buddies. I only knew a handful of these people and was relieved when Duff called Mike to say he’d be there.

This was great! It would be just like old times! The three of us hanging out having a good time together. Mike and I obviously a couple again. The ring on my finger. There would be nothing left for Duff to speculate about. After tonight it would be evident that my bold overtures that last night in Boston were purely whimsical.

We arrived at the party ready to bring in 1993 with a raucous crowd of college aged coeds. It promised to be a wild night. I grabbed a beer and mingled with acquaintances while Mike quickly assimilated with his cronies. Spotting Duff’s familiar face through the crowd melted away my uneasiness. I crossed the room to greet him and received a wonderfully strong embrace. What was it about his hugs? They always made me feel so important.

We began to catch each other up on our adventures over the last couple weeks never once mentioning my fading confession of love. It was odd to me now that Duff and I had ever struggled to get along. We had grown so familiar with one another, so comfortable. I respected his opinions and him mine. We often sought the approval or advice of the other person. We both loved a good discussion and had covered everything from abortion to the best breed of dog in the many hours we had spent conversing.

I don’t recall the exact conversations we had that night which served to distract us from noticing we’d been left alone. The rest of the party had long since moved downstairs into the basement and neither of us made any move to join them. Rumors circulated that there was some illicit drug use going on down there but we never bothered to confirm. We just kept on gabbing away interrupted only by the occasional person running upstairs for food or drink. We sat that way talking in the living room long after the ball had fallen, completely absorbed, and fully expecting we hadn’t been missed.

It wasn’t until the next morning when the accusations began to fly. What were Duff and Kelly doing up there alone all night? Something is obviously going on between them. I saw them kissing. Mike, she’s two-timing you…

“What?! NOTHING happened!”

“Oh sure….”, the accusers responded.

“Honestly! We’re completely innocent! We were JUST talking!”, we defended ourselves.

There was nothing we could say to convince the accusers otherwise. We had already been tried and convicted. The verdict was in. Duff and Kelly were guilty of something…….but nobody was sure of exactly what!

Back home in Connecticut last minute Christmas shopping and preparations served to distract me from the confusion that was settling in from my big epiphany. Once the ribbons were untied, wrapping paper torn open, and food safely stored in tupperware my mind wandered back to the tangled web of emotions I’d carried home from Boston. Honestly, now that I’d separated myself from the source of my confusion things were gaining clarity. The intense emotions and events of that night were fading into a dreamlike memory that no longer seemed to reflect reality.

The jumble of confusion was replaced with a pit of guilt. Guilt that I had betrayed Mike. Guilt that I may have ruined something good trying to pursue the impossible. So when Mike called to invite me to NJ for New Year’s I quickly accepted and planned to move forward with our relationship without further hesitation.

When I arrived at Mike’s house the Christmas tree stood decorated in the living room and underneath one tiny gift remained. Mike bent to retrieve the package and presented it to me with a meaningful look in his eyes. I relished the moment as I slowly unwrapped the velvet box which undoubtedly contained jewelry. I lifted the hinged top revealing an aquamarine ring, saddled with diamonds, and set in gold. At that moment all uncertainty was erased.

Mike was the guy for me! He was obviously head over heels in love with me. From this day forward I pledged my devotion. How could I ever have doubted that he was the one? “Kelly Smith”, hmmmmm, yes it had a nice ring to it. Little toe heads with big brown eyes danced before my eyes running toward me with arms flung wide…..

“Kelly.”

My thoughts were interrupted.

“Do you like it?” Mike inquired.

“Oh I love it! Thank You!”

“Why don’t you try it on…… see if it fits.” Mike suggested.

The ring slipped easily onto my finger and sat squarely on my fourth digit.

“It’s perfect!” I announced confidently. A confidence that would falter just days later leading me to question once again whether the ring did in fact “fit”.

To be continued……

Well I’ve been inspired a lot lately. Inspired by the calm we’ve been given in Gabby’s storm. Inspired by friends walking by faith. Inspired by a book called Crazy Love and another called One Month to Live. Inspired to be more transparent, passionate, and real. Inspired to leave a legacy. Inspired to live without regret.

Today my “Maine Man” (This is how Duff likes to refer to himself) turns 37 and I have recorded the beginning of our story as a gift to him. I am not writing this story because it’s perfect. Nor to demonstrate the ins and outs of meeting a suitable mate. I’m not arguing that we always made smart decisions that I want our children to emulate. I’m writing this story because after being together for 17 years I am still completely in love with this man. A man that God perfectly chose to complete me. I want our children to see how God worked through us in spite of ourselves. I want them to be familiar with the intricate details of how He crafted our story. How He called us, molded us, and shaped us into His image even before we called Him Father.

So, without further adieu, here is the first chapter of our story.

A Scandalous Story of Love: The Beginning

It was 1991. I was 18 years old and a freshman in college. It was orientation week and classes had not yet begun. I was enjoying my new found freedom and headed out to a dorm party with some of my girlfriends. We met a guy named Mike* from NJ over a few beers. He lived in the boy’s dormitory adjacent to our own and we decided to stop by his room later on to say hello. We arrived at his door and knocked impatiently. I had a cigarette in one hand and a cookie in the other. Mike wasn’t around but his roommate, who had stayed behind to get better acquainted with his new computer, came to the door. He reluctantly invited us in grabbing my cigarette and stamping it out with his foot before I entered. Disgruntled, I sat down on the bed which also served as a couch. I began nibbling my cookie to pass the time but was quickly scolded.

“Crumbs! You’re getting crumbs all over Mike’s bed!”

My first thoughts,”Who is this guy? He must be kidding,right?! What an anal retentive loser!”

Turns out his name was Duff and minutes later when Mike returned I didn’t hesitate to tell him exactly what I thought about this roommate of his.

“What is he doing hanging out in a freshman dorm room by himself, the first week of college anyway?!” and “I’m so sorry you got stuck with him!” and “You poor thing!”

On and on I went, sticking my foot way deep into my mouth until at last I paused noticing the smirk on Mike’s face.

“What? What is it I demanded?”

I quickly learned that Duff and Mike had gone to high school together. They had chosen to be roommates. They were not just roommates, they were friends! I retreated that night with my tail between my legs not realizing how many times I would reflect back on the humor of our first meeting.

Freshman year of college Duff and I would spend a lot of time “putting up” with each other because Mike and I began dating. By summer time Duff and I were pals. We enjoyed hanging out together. I loved to get the details about Duff’s latest relationship and I was always trying to find the perfect girl for him, you know someone kinda like me.:) We found ourselves in the strangest of situations together. The sunbathing niece and nephew watching thing. The late night ride in the back of a pick-up truck where we spotted a shooting star, and the 3 mile walk to get corsages and boutonnieres one chilly Friday afternoon . People began to question what exactly was going on between us.

“We’re just friends!” I insisted and sincerely meant it.

“Kell is like a sister to me.” Duff responded to the inquiries.

A short time later we became the focus of a heated debate about girls, guys, and friendships. Our college friend Andy presented his theory late one night to a circle of friends and suddenly early morning classes and exams lost their priority.

“Girls and guys CAN NOT be friends.” he commanded.

“How do you figure?” we inquired.

“Well here’s the thing….”, Andy began, “guys will only be friends with girls they find attractive, as the friendship deepens, the guy eventually wants more and either the girl is willing or unwilling, regardless the friendship ends.”

“Could he be right?!” we wondered. We searched for examples to disprove his theory.

“Well, I suggested, take Duff for example, he is just a good friend of mine and he will never be anything more.”

Andy quickly turned to Duff, “Would you sleep with her?”

“NO! Kelly is like a sister to me.”

“DO you find her attractive?”…… and so the inquisition began and ended in a stalemate as we all headed off to bed.

It would be a month or two later before we would ultimately discover who had really won the debate that night.

The week before Christmas break in college is always an intense one. We had many late nights studying for countless exams. We found ourselves exhausted but exhilarated as the week came to a close. Some friends fled immediately for the solace of home and others stuck around to properly celebrate the culmination of such a week. Mike fled while Duff, myself, and a bunch of our friends stuck around for one last hurrah. We decided to head into Boston for good eats and good brew. Once fully satiated the whole lot of us returned to campus and hung out realizing that come morning we would all be heading our separate ways for a month.

Then it happened. Another girl. Another girl came along that night looking for Duff. She wanted to talk with him. Alone. They went off into another room and shut the door behind them. Whoa! What was that feeling deep in my gut? Something like nervous nausea. My stomach was a flutter, my heart was racing a bit, and I felt a little anger coming into the mix. What was wrong with me?! Why did I suddenly care that Duff was hanging out with some other chic? But I DID care! I was jealous. That was the feeling that was suddenly consuming me. I had to intervene. I had to share my feelings before it was too late. I ran down the hall and began pounding on his dorm room door. No answer. How could I get his attention?! The phone! That was it! I ran back down the hall to a friend’s room and began urgently dialing his number. Brrring, bring, bring, brrrring,……come on Duff pick up the phone! I hung up and dialed again, and again, and again. Finally he picked up sounding a little exasperated, “What’s up? Where are you?”

“I’m next door.”

Duff still slightly irritated, “So,….. why are you calling me?”

“You weren’t answering the door. I need to talk with you right now. Meet me in the hall.” I begged.

I hung up the phone racing down the corridor back to his door.

Duff cracked the door visibly puzzled and still sounding slightly bothered by the interruption. The other girl peered over his shoulder with eyebrows raised suggesting that this had better be good.

“I need to talk with you alone.” I hinted.

“Okay.” Duff turned to face the source of my jealousy and she huffed brushing past me and never turning back.

We retreated back inside the room. I was pacing. I could feel Duff’s eyes upon me as he waited for an explanation. My stomach was in knots. My emotions flitted about between dread and excitement Why was I such a mess?! This was Duff. I was never nervous around Duff he was like a brother to me. Wait, that was it exactly! This could be the end of me. What if I spilled my guts to him, revealed the source of my irrational behavior, professed my love for him, and he simply replied but Kell I could never reciprocate those feelings your like a sister to me. AAARGGH! This could be ugly but here it goes

“Duff, I think I’m jealous.”

“What do you mean?….Please explain.”

“Well, I’ve never really felt this way before but when that other girl came looking for you and then you disappeared together I became an emotional wreck and I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was that was bothering me and then it dawned on me, I was jealous! I was jealous that you were in here with some other girl, someone other than me. I think I have feelings for you….. I think I love you.”

I don’t recall Duff saying anything at that moment and yet he made it perfectly clear that he felt exactly the same way as he took me in his arms and held me for an obscene amount of time. We talked like that into the wee hours of the morning. Examining our feelings, our relationship, and our future. We were dancing inside with excitement. Filled with energy despite our sleepless night. Happy music playing in our heads and then the song came to a screeching halt.

The serenity that nighttime brings had deceived us. That was the realization we had when morning came. This wasn’t going to be easy. This would be messy. We could hurt a lot of people. We had an entire circle of friends that we’d known since freshman year that knew me as Mike’s girlfriend and Duff as Mike’s friend. We better take some time to think this through over winter break, sort through our feelings, figure out if this was even right. We swore each other to secrecy, packed our things, and left Boston for winter break.

To be continued………….

*Mike’s real name has been changed.

(In case you’re startled by this sudden attempt at writing or creativity let me explain. The idea for this love story came from the Pioneer Woman.
She wrote the amazing love story entitled Black Heels to Tractor Wheels which describes how she met her Marlboro Man.)