I think it’s easy to go through life making assumptions about people and presuming things have always been the way they seem. We often don’t know everyone’s backstory, especially when we meet them in our later years. We don’t comprehend the amazing ways God has worked in their lives and what would have been, without His mercy, kindness, and intervention. On this 30th Anniversary trip to Italy, I want to reflect back on the glorious ways God has worked in our marriage.
It’s been 34 years since we first met during freshmen orientation week at Boston College. We didn’t exactly hit it off because we’re opposites in so many ways…
but you know what they say about opposites…
and by sophomore year we had grown quite fond of each other. We knew we wanted to spend the rest of our days together but nobody in our circles got married before graduating college, that was just plain crazy. And so we dated for the remainder of college, spending an incredible amount of time together, and discussing all of the things we wanted in life.
Senior year came around quickly and we found that job opportunities in Boston were limited. The cost of living was exorbitant too. Duff (always the adventurer) convinced me we should pick a new place to reside. Perhaps Seattle, Phoenix, Atlanta, or Raleigh? North Carolina became the logical choice. It had many opportunities in the technical and medical fields, and we could drive there. So with $500 in our joint bank account and no prospective jobs, we leased a Honda Civic and drove to Raleigh. We found a 700 sq. ft apartment and began looking for employment.
Duff secured his first programming job at Objix and I began working at Raleigh Community Hospital. We shared a car and met great friends. Things were going along swimmingly. In December of 1995, Duff got down on one knee and proposed. We were married in St. Mary’s Catholic Church the following October but we were still not believers. I was attending nursing school and Duff was busy working in the programming world. One evening, Duff began asking me philosophical questions and wondered, what I would regret most if I died tomorrow. Not having had a baby, I quickly responded. I’d wanted children for as far back as I could remember and Duff had wanted to wait. We were pregnant the next month and extremely excited, though we also felt a great deal of responsibility. We did not want to mess this up.
The arrival of Maddie was an immense blessing and God’s protection over me during her birth (air embolism) doubly so. I had always felt born to be a mother yet the world tries to convince you to desire more, that being a mother isn’t enough. Once I held my daughter I knew I could easily stay at home for the rest of my days. I didn’t want to miss a blink of her little life. When my nurse manager called to put me back on the schedule, I made a very scrumptious meal and broached the topic of staying home with my husband. We decided to do whatever it took to make it possible for me to stay home with our baby girl. I felt so incredibly blessed.
Around this time Duff began working for a Christian consulting company called RoleModel Software; Named after the ultimate rolemodel, Jesus Christ. His coworkers were all believers and though we didn’t know it at the time, Duff was the token pagan. 😂 They made book recommendations like- The Evidence that Demands a Verdict and Case for Christ. They laid out the gospel for Duff and warned that it would really stink if he died on his way home from work since he hadn’t accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. They prayed for us and boy did God begin working and pursuing.
We went to the NCHE homeschool conference, we read books, I had dreams, we lost a baby, we talked to Christians, and all the while they prayed for us. Initially, we stubbornly clung to life as we knew it and refused to surrender our lives. Eventually though, we called out to Jesus, accepted his free gift of salvation and declared him Lord. We were washed clean of our guilt and shame, but what would this new life look like? Would it involve moving to Africa? Duff was willing. 😉
We started going to church, we got baptized, we saw children as an amazing gift and blessing, and we had more of them. We now felt more equipped to raise them because we understood our purpose and place in the world. Life had new meaning.
It’s interesting setting off into life again as Christians though, there is much to figure out and sort through. We tried to follow the recipe to the best of our ability, but what exactly did it involve? Homeschool? Suzuki violin? Ankle-length skirts? Giant crockpots? Wheat berries and homemade bread? Home births? Were we Arminians or Calvinists?
The decision to follow Christ seemed to bring with it a million more questions because you second guess everything you once knew to be true. God is gracious though and He gives you room and opportunity to sift through all of it. And He was gracious to teach us early on that His gospel does not promise prosperity in a worldly sense. Professing Christ is not going to ensure that things will be easy and everything will be coming up roses.
We experienced this lesson most profoundly when our fifth child, Gabrielle Faith, was diagnosed with severe epilepsy. She underwent five different brain surgeries and ultimately lost the right hemisphere of her brain at 20 months old. I felt like Abraham placing Isaac on the altar for sacrifice. I had no idea why God was requiring this of me, of us, of our baby girl, but I learned I must surrender and trust Him completely in all circumstances. I learned he is faithful and never leaves nor forsakes those he loves and has called according to His purposes. I learned the ways of the Lord require hardship and great sacrifice. He uses difficult trials to refine us and draw us closer to Him. He loves us enough to set us straight and show us Truth.
When I reflect back on the challenging moments in our life and marriage, I see how God has used them for our good and His glory. I see His amazing kindness in bringing Duff and I together before we even knew what we should be looking for in a husband or wife. I am overwhelmed with gratitude when I think of how he pursued both of us simultaneously and transformed our lives. I am so incredibly thankful for each of our children that He saw fit to entrust us with. They are each a tremendous gift. And our daughter-in-laws and son-in-laws…I can’t fully express my gratitude for them. And please don’t even get me started on the grandbabies…
I’m weeping with thankfulness over everything God has done in our lives. I know it could have turned out so differently, would have turned out so differently…but God. When God Almighty pursued us and we answered His call, everything changed for the better, and for this I am eternally grateful.
Happy Anniversary, Duff!! There is nobody else I would rather be doing life beside! You have cherished and loved me so well. You have provided, protected, and courageously led in the worst of times and feasted and celebrated with me in the best of times. You are my co-remeberer and very favorite person in this whole wide world. I cannot imagine doing life without you. To many more years at your side! Cheers!
